It's Happening Again

Tylenol Pm + Sudafed + Antibiotics + Being at your mom's house = Major Revelations.....


Youtube is addicting. I click to watch a new music video next thing you know I'm watching a video on how to make ice cream.

When you can't find the remote in the living room, all trust suddenly goes, "who took the remote?" And then we all just know to stand up.

I walk into a classroom, and right away one of the kids shouts out, "Ms. Goodman, Do you fart a lot?" Since when is it ok for a kid to ask that to an adult in school. I was totally disturbed. But you gotta give the girl credit, she had the guts to ask that out loud. And hey, if she is wondering, well then there's the issue.

You know when someone looks at your baby pictures and says "Aw you were so cute, What happened?" Your new answer should be, Hooker I got sexy, that's what happened.

Our next generation are gonna be some tatted up grandparents.

Why do websites ask if you are human? No, I'm a unicorn.

My girlfriends (black) sister is having a baby. She said, now when's the last time this happened, a black girl actually planned a pregnancy.

People say if you want to feel rich, count the things you have that money can't buy. Um yea, that would be the Louboutins, Louis, House, etc..

The write for Lafayette on True Blood is Genius. Enjoy yourself for a few...http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/characters/lafayette-reynolds/page-3.html

Admit it, we've all gotten scared by our own shadow at least once.

Keep this in your Head....

Ok, call it ruminating, ridiculousness, random.....Here Goes.

Those "vintage" tees. We all know you haven't had a RC cola in your closet stashed for 10 years.

A guy can be dressed like a slumdog, and he will still get a girl. A girl could take 2 hours and look great, and end up ordering Little Pete's...alone

The "fake a call" . I mean I get it, and I do it. I just think its ridiculous.

Sips. Unless you have a table with friends, or you enjoy standing .5 inches away from a 20-something banker who is pounding beers and lookin....misery.

Sips x 2. Those girls who are 24+ with no jobs getting all dolled up looking like they worked to go to sips. (with chanel bags in tow)

Sips x 3. We all know you do not go to work in high heels and a maxi dress babes.

Cleaning Lady. It's operation "where did she put that this time." And then a 2 day later call, "Have you seen my thing thats been hanging over my bedroom chair for 4 months."

Retainers. Do people still wear them? Losers.

The man that rides his bike up and down Rittenhouse street singing at the top of his lungs. WE CAN ALL FUCKING HEAR YOU.

Saladbars. You can't tell me that someone doesn't put something in their tray, try it with their finger, and put it back because the other 2 peices weigh 4 oz.

I got pulled over and the reason: I was driving too long in the left lane. It is only to pass. Well officer, If i was trying to pass a car, I'd be speeding, so which rule do you want me to break?

Patty Stanger Matchmaker Millionaire. You are right about everything you say and I hate it!

When did I become old and hating on the annoying 23 year olds that are doing exactly what I did?

My memory sucks. The positive of that is I get to tell stories I think are funny more than once, and they're still funny.

Where the FUCK did all the pay phones go?

If you grabbed someone sexy and told them hey, would Usher approve?

Why are you playing WordsWithFriends if you have to cheat? I will not play with you.

Do women with hairy faces and mustaches not now. Comeon, how can you not tell your friend she maybe needs some Nair. Do they really look in the mirror and not see it?

If you're an emotional drunk.., we don't like when you drink.

Does anyone else love Vamp love?

Why do techno music groupies wear stuffed animal backpacks?

Stop asking me if I'm sure I want to delete. I pushed delete didn't I?

Everything is better black. Coffee, Clothes, Nike Slides, Bridesmaid dresses, Leggings, Brownies, Men.

That's it for now, Deuces...

Girls got balls

My trainer/female magnet/Fashion Expert/Serena Williams obsessor/Body Builder/NFL star/Friend and I had the most amazing conversation I think of my life.
He was just in Vegas and made the astounding discovery every girl knows they once, still, or sometimes do!

And here goes my version of his opinion.....

So ladies. So you have a plan right, for Saturday night. You have to get something new, a new dress, shoe, lipstick....Who notices......other girls.

So we go out, get all dolled u, spend 25 hours thinking about what were wearing, ask our friends what they're wearing, take a shower with enough time for our hair to air dry just a little before we dry and Flat Iron, or Wand....for who? Other girls.

we do all our makeup and try to look "natural" all the while putting too much on, hoping the girls will say, "Oh your makeup looks so pretty," no guy is gonna look at you and say "Oh, she did a really good job of putting just enough makeup on to look natural." Or, "wow, her cheek color looks like she has been sunkissed." We makeup our faces for who to notice...other girls.

. Ok, so the hair is dried and the makeup is done. For who?

We already have the idea in our head of what were wearing. It has to show some skin, either the cleavage, stomach, legs, or back...that's what we think is sexy. Because one of our friends, or frenemies, will notice how good you look, hopefully...want to get that dress, wish they had that Chanel clutch, or is jealous of the long hair.

Then we forcefully shove our feet into 4" heels that have color, bling, or the perfect red bottom....we basically cannot move in, so we look longer and more stylish because of our shoes. Because taller and better shoes obviously makes you noticed....by other girls.

We get to the club, cant move in our dress, or shoes. Cant move cause our makeup will smear. Cant get near crazy dancing people cause our hair might frizz if they spill a beer...

And all the while, No guy will ever notice the difference between Steve Madden and Christian Loubiuton (well unless you have asked for a pair or hinted you love them!). No guy will ever look at your hair and say, It's so straight, and the flat iron really makes it shiny. No guy will ever say he could picture you meeting his mom in the slutty outfit from Saturday night (he could introduce you to his bed though). No guy will EVER notice the price of your handbag.

The point: Girls got balls. Girls do it for other Girls.

Do You?

...still read my blog? Does anybody read my blog?

I'm not Your Daddy

Ever seen a better imitation of a Geico Commercial...It's the Remix..

That's not NOrmal

Some things to share about my School Year thus far....

1. Kid writes :CHICKEN: on her bookbag in whiteout. Her reason: bc she likes chicken.

2. Kids having no idea who Bob Marley is.

3. Rumor has it kids are selling birth control in the cafeteria...really, really.

4. Ass dialing some of my old kids parents on a Sat night. Awesome.

5. A kid coming up to me asking for Perfume. There's only 1 reason for that. Ew.

6. No Homo

7. Break Bread

8. A 6th principal

9. Being Gay is the new Way

10. Like mean girls, there is a webpage with "Tweek of the Week."" Tweek= whore.

Paid

The medicine profiles the line.