I have One of Those....

Let's get down to biznassss.....

As I cleaned my apt the other day, I realized how many products I have bought through informercials. I mean, I love them. I could sit for hours, upon endless hours watching these genuis ideas. The people are so energetic and make these products look ridiculously amazing and perfect for everyone. So I fall into the gimic, so what.

Let's start with my first purchase. The Strap Perfect. Tried one on, flung off, richeched into my door, mirror, then my face. Didn't do what it was supposed to but hey I didn't have to buy a frisbee.

Next is the smooth away. Also, another let down. So excited to try it I ripped open the package in my car and immediately went to my leg to remove the "unwanted hair." Well, it left my leg dry, ashy, and still hairy. Felt like an old nail file that had been used for 15 years. You get the point.

Ahhh, the Slap Chop. About as good as a chopper as my teeth. If you have 10 minutes to chop away a hard boiled egg, its great. If you want it quicker, a fork will do. Or a knife. However, I did chop garlic in it and onion, and maybe that was lazy, but I didn't cry. Plus, this guy is so excited about chopping, I had to have one.

Pampered Toes. Pampered Toes.....Hurt the first few times, then feel good. Kind of like......snowboarding.

Ok, so 1/4 actually has some use. But the thing is, I still think all these ideas are genuis. I highly suggest NOT watching these informercials past 12am, when you are intoxicated, bored, or doing a spring cleaning.

Prob should stop buying them.

I'm all in my head...

Some More Thoughts...

Why am I still up?

Why does it feel so good when someone else scratches your back, or washes your hair..but when you try its so uncomfortable, more like a chore?

Isn't it weird that you sit and somehow get places...like, your but is in a seat in a car but you are driving?  

What did people do before microwaves?

If you are sitting next to me on a plane or train, cough and don't cover your mouth, expect me to say something.

It's not okay to stop in the middle of chestnut street to unload your clothes at buffalo exchange in the middle of rush hour traffic.

How do doormen remember everyone in the building's names? And or the postman (maybe that's my building only??)

Ever notice that Samantha on Sex and the City always takes bites of food but you NEVER see her swallow.  Hellloooooooooo Anorexia.

So you pay $250/plate per guest at a wedding, on average you get $100 in a gift.  Can't we just call it even and have a BYOD. Bring your own dinner?

Who ever thought that BYOB's attract legal kids, you're wrong.  It's the only place they can go drink and not get carded.

All seasons of Real Housewives are genius.  They Never get old.  Especially Danielle (aka Beverly).

Ever read the craigslist.com section- missed connections.  If not, have a great night staying home.  They are hysterical.

Having a harley parked outside Starbucks while you are the barrista does not impress me.

I could sleep all day long as long as I'm with Tempurpedic.

That's it.  Goodnight.

What's all over your face...

I went to the ZOO with my summer kids.  This is what I came back looking like,

My thoughts are with you...

Here's some things I've been ruminating about...

Why do people feel the need to update their facebook status' on the regular.  No one cares if you have 4 hours until work is over, or you are at the beach, or you had a great workout, or those insinuating messages meant for that "someone" to read about another "someone."  I mean, I really really don't get it.  Go on twitter if you need to update the world on what you are doing that is really inconsequential.

I think Scrabble is the most under-rated game ever.  I mean, it expands your vocab, makes your brain actually think, and is a great evening activity.  Aside from the fact I go to bed dreaming about words...

I recently lost my mail key.  When I was thinking about it out loud, my mom asked me "where did you last have it."  Well, If I knew, wouldn't I not have lost it???

Why doesn't anyone in real life act like Ari Gold?

Retail therapy really cures all problems.

I remember now why I hate chunks of lettuce...fact is, once you've had a chopped salad- you can never go back.  Those big peices of lettuce are so much work.  Once you go chopped you never go ....whatever.

Why is it that Philadelphia has 5 main take out delivery restaurants, Marathon, Wok, Pietro's, Little Pete's, and Erawan.  I think a few more would be great.

It is the weirdest thing ever when you're at a doctor and you have to give a pee sample, so you are given the cup in the waiting room, go pee, bring the cup back to the nurse while everyone in the waiting room looks at your cup of hot yellow pee.  There's gotta be a better system.

Why when you go to the hospital to have blood work and register, they sit and talk to you about how cute the doctors are .... who cares.  I'm just trying to get a needle and get out.

If you have to email me about not calling you back, there's a reason.

I can decorate any cake just as well as the cake decorators in acme.  Even if I had a misspell.

(see pic)

And finally, why is it when a new friend joins facebook it is like the freakin pope just peeped for a viewing???  

I think I....

Some Ruminating Thoughts....(from an email)

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think about is that I cant wait for them to finish so that I can tell
my own story thats not only better, but also more directly involves
me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to
have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and
sticks when they've invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
direction from which you came, you have to first do something like
check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to
yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

That's enough, Nickelback.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This
recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never
be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all
know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first
saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the
only one who really, really gets it.

The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I had already hopped
on highway blackout when, inevitably I had to find a bathroom.
Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I
tried to walk over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We
played that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I
finally put out my hand to guide myself past and thats is when I
realized, yup, thats a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the
guy on the other side is me. Even cats can recognize their own image.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when Im trying to finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying.

My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads.
Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired
about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us."
Classy, bro.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all
I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when a n entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete
idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and
said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.

I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to
be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an
overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if
I do!

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?



If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would
probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just arent doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
want to have to restart my collection.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
swear I did not make any changes to.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching
TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge
me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we werent watching this.
It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room.
Will we still be friends after this?'

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone
and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light
internet stalking.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
speed for pedophiles...

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

I think that if, years down the road when Im trying to have a kid, I
find out that Im sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the
fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their walet, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but Id bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time
every time...

My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com<http://CNN.com> and the
link takes me to a video instead of text.

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,
someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think
about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people
eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by
myself. Theres nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard
before dinner.

Good Ball Movement

ISAA FAST TRACK CAMP

...at camp.  These past 10 days I was up at Neuman College working at the most fabul ous, wonderful, amazing camp.  It was the ISAA (International Student Athlete Academy) Fast Track Summer Camp.  Fast Track is a 10 day overnight academic and athletic enrichment camp held between the months of July and August. Student athletes are housed at an area college and have access to the college’s facilities. The program is designed to prepare students for the college experience by living the college experience firsthand. I worked in a classroom teaching Life Skills, where we talked about everything open and honestly, and I really had a chance to bond with these amazing athletes.  After class each day, I was there for support..whether it was practicing with the football players, basketball players, or just being around. What I will say is this...some of these kids are on their way to playing in college, going pro, going overseas, and fulfilling their dreams of being student athletes.  Throughout the year, there are lots of events sponsored by ISAA, including basketball showcases, AAU Teams, SAT programs, and academic enrichment.  If you are at all interested in this program, you should email isaainc@gmail.com. It was an amazing experience that recharged my battery.  It was exactly what I needed.  It's amazing how high school kids can change lives.

P.S. CHECK US OUT ON FACEBOOK! type in search : isaa athleteinc

Huddle to Pump Them Up Weight Training Session

My attempt at Flag Football

Me and some Staff walking to BBall

And this is what happens on the last night of CAMP!